


Like The Stars

by senttothebrink



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comfort, Comforting Sam, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Pillow Talk, sort of nsfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 16:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/senttothebrink/pseuds/senttothebrink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He forgets to breathe then remembers that he doesn't need air and finds himself still trying to inhale because he feels like he’s slipped from grace a second time. Castiel grasps for Sam’s face, fingers curled possessively through silk hair, cupping the back of his head as he tugs him forcefully up, makes it impossible for Sam to keep himself propped. The taller man collapses against Castiel with a thud and a groan that’s trapped between Castiel’s biting teeth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like The Stars

"Are you trying to tickle me?" Sam groggily asks one night. 

He’s on his side with the comforter pulled to his waist, arm stretched under his pillow, hair spilling over his neck. Castiel is on the other side laying comfortably in a gray t-shirt and boxers letting the tips of his fingers trail slow over Sam’s spine, the faded cuts on his shoulders, and then to that long, smooth pinkish scar across his lower back.

"No. Just feeling, I suppose."

"S’good," the hunter exhales calmly, releases all the tension in his muscles. "Can’t sleep?"

"Thinking too much."

"Mm," Sam hums. It almost feels like he’s asleep when he turns his head slightly to try and get a look at Castiel. "About what?"

"Constellations, mostly. Have you ever seen them?"

"Course I have."

"As a human. But you haven’t seen inside of them. Around them. You see Orion’s Belt and find precisely seven stars," he fixes on Sam’s dazed face as the other man shifts to lie on his stomach and stare curiously at Castiel who waits for Sam to settle before continuing, "You don't see what’s in between. It’s a shame, really, that your sight is so limited but I suppose that isn't the worst part about being human. You look at the stars and are struck breathless without even seeing the whole picture. I…" Castiel smiles fondly as he glances down. "I understand." 

"Cas?"

The angel leans over to plant soft kisses at the base of Sam’s neck before traveling to his shoulder blades. He keeps one hand on the scar, fingers swiping over it continuously raising goosebumps along tan skin.

"Even as a human," he says between kisses, "I couldn't- understand why I was so- taken with you- your eyes- your mouth- legs- hands-" he feels Sam tense under his lips. He closes his eyes, breathes warm against the center of Sam’s back contentedly, "Much like how the visible stars of Orion’s Belt do not resemble an actual man with a sword, these were all points that made your outline possible. The rest of you was hidden from me, but I knew," he noses upward along his spine, "I knew that there were stars and galaxies that filled in the darkness without my ability to truly see. You were," Castiel whispers against the spot between Sam’s shoulders, "Are. Fathomless to me. I may as well be a human staring at the night sky when I look at you because I'm astounded at how much I know is there but can't see, how much I want to know, how frustrated I become because I’m not able to go to those places yet."

He touches a knife wound, some small crescent indent, carved into Sam’s hip a few years before. Castiel skims his hands thoughtfully over it with the back of his knuckles. His eyes flick to Sam’s overwhelmed ones: watery, concerned like it pains him to hear these things. 

"Your marks, your personality traits, your habits, are similar to the stars you see inside constellations but are not one of the major points. Never fool yourself into thinking that they aren’t just as important. They're part of that endlessness hidden from our eyes. We're lucky to see them when we do."

"Cas-"

"You know, thousands of years ago, there would have been no darkness hiding those stars. The atmosphere was clearer. Everything was bright, alive. As beautiful as the Earth was, it paled in comparison to the cosmos. The sky was filled. And now…" 

Now the sky is darker, Castiel thinks as he lets one knuckle drift in swirling motions all over the place slowly, tenderly. The sky isn't as open and the constellations aren't nearly as full or divine without needing to be an angel to see all of eternity shrouded by a polluted atmosphere and stars extinguished before their time. He wishes he could bring all of that light back, wishes none of those stars burned out or, that he could see past how Sam hides himself even when he’s up and about.

But lying together, letting Castiel’s palm travel to his sides, his aimlessness sending shivers through Sam, he is more open than any sky Castiel has journeyed under, more breathtaking when he observes the angel like he’s saved him again. He opens for Castiel, opens under his palm, and Castiel sees him. He _sees_ Sam. There's fear and doubt, the subtle tremble of his lip and the disquieted crease of his brow. Sam is shy, yet radiant, like a constellation hoping, even for a moment, that he'll be the one Castiel wants to trace in the sky, map his movements, draw and label him beautiful and worthy and safe. He’s stunning, really, when he curls his back to get up like a brushed across stardust surface, arcing into the air and settling like an iridescent haze around his soul.

Castiel nearly loses what little concentration he has. He goes to open his mouth, shuts it as a breathless, sort-of laugh escapes Sam’s lips. He turns to sit with legs outstretched under the blanket, body bent toward Castiel, arms tucked across his stomach as though it's keeping everything inside.

"Cas." Sam shakes his head allowing his hair to fall loose around his face keeping half of it hidden. "You don't…"

"I do. Mean it. That was how you were going to finish, weren't you?" The look Sam gives him is flustered yet bashful, still disbelieving. "I am… aware that what I have said is… a bit much, or at least can be considered so-"

"Cas...," Sam sighs. He falls silent for a moment. His rough skinned hand slides over Castiel’s thigh. He spreads his fingers, smiles slightly to himself as he squeezes light before letting them slide further to the back of Castiel's knee. They stay like that for a few moments with Sam's thumb rubbing circles into the side of his knee; he doesn't look away from what he's doing and Castiel doesn't look away from him. He doesn't breathe for fear of ruining the stillness, the way his heart seems to fill the air with its wild beating, the way Sam has suddenly commanded so much of his attention in so little time. Castiel inhales, keeps it inside his lungs for eons until Sam's gaze flicks to his, the slight lift to his chin being the only indication that Sam ever moved. His tight grip makes Castiel try to fight away the urge to shudder.

"Sa-ah!" 

The angel is flipped onto his back without warning. He throws his hands around Sam’s neck in a panic, legs spread with Sam’s insistent thigh nudging between, and when the scrabbling is over with, Castiel is looking up into a very different sort of hazel that he’s not sure how to classify; Sam looks as if he’s torn between want and sorrow and joy.

"You don’t understand." Sam’s voice is choked, lips trembling as he presses them to Castiel’s roughly. "You have no idea." His hand slides under Castiel’s lower back to yank him down the mattress so now the angel is directly underneath him. Their breath is quickening together, hearts racing through every limb; Castiel is at a loss for what to do about the whirlwind in his head making it impossible to form words. "No _clue-_ "

"S-Sam-"

He silences him, bruising chapped pink lips with his own again, his body hovering only centimeters above. Warmth radiates off of him, sifts through Castiel’s clothes in the roaming hand that’s snaked under his shirt. Castiel winds his fingers in Sam's hair not for control, not for dominance, but purely for the simple need to be directed because Sam is overwhelming and Castiel feels like he might lose himself if he doesn't hold on.

"Y-You look- you look ups- _nngh-_ upset-!" The angel lets that last word slip out in a loud gasp as Sam pulls Castiel’s shirt up and nips the skin without direction, everywhere.

"Not upset, not even close, just-" both hands are on Castiel’s sides, thumbs circling, and Sam stills for just a moment. He looks as if he’s contemplating the mysteries of the universe while staring at the spot above Castiel’s belly button. Then with a look that indicates the melting of residual tension from his forehead, Castiel is struck senseless at the sheer clarity in Sam’s eyes as he looks up while planting a kiss below his navel.

"You don’t know what you do to me, Cas, you say these- things and." Sam looks away, seems to wrestle with the words in his head. His brow furrows then and he places an lingering kiss in the same spot as before. "I have never… been that… to anyone," his quiet voice makes Castiel’s ears burn. "No one. Talks like that." Sam laughs despite himself, lips stretched into a smile that threatens to break apart. "Not to me. Not… ever. And I…"

"Sam…"

"I’m fine-"

"When I told you how I felt, my intention was not to make you cry."

“‘m not,” but he’s dropping his head against Castiel’s chest and the other man can feel wetness on his bare skin. He continues in a soft voice, “You don’t know it, but I feel… like that, you know, just like that. When I look at you, that’s all I see.”

Just as Castiel is about to either drag Sam up to his lips or go down there himself, he hears a whispered ‘I love you’ against his stomach. For a second time, they’re silent. Sam looks back up to Castiel apologetically, briefly, then down again, and murmurs the next few words like all the world is balanced on his tongue.

"Castiel. I love you."

In the span of mere seconds, there’s a whole constellation and the universes sprawled out behind it declaring something that makes Castiel’s heart stutter. Everything, all of his time and the places he used to travel to, is wrapped up in tan skin, flowing through long limbs, taking the shape of Sam Winchester laid out before him all abashed and smiling self deprecatingly as if Castiel might reject him, as if Castiel even _could_.

He forgets to breathe then remembers that he doesn't need air and finds himself still trying to inhale because he feels like he’s slipped from grace a second time. Castiel grasps for Sam’s face, fingers curled possessively through silk hair, cupping the back of his head as he tugs him forcefully up, makes it impossible for Sam to keep himself propped. The taller man collapses against Castiel with a thud and a groan that’s trapped between Castiel’s biting teeth.

For the next hour, Sam let's Castiel travel in the darkness hiding mysteries, precious and deep, old and weary, each pin prick of light and twist of astral cloud Sam has to bear. The hunter imbues every inch of Castiel's skin with red streaks of sun, galaxies of purple spreading around his hips, the joints of shoulders where he presses burning blue stars. Sam sighs and it resonates in Castiel’s lungs; he exhales and it permeates through the darkness touching against places Sam very carefully opens up. He’s letting all of himself shine in the smile he wears when Castiel accidentally tickles his side, the dimples that never seem to go away when he looks- even glances- at Castiel, the way he keeps his lips to his collarbone and kisses along it like this is what he's always wanted to do from the moment they met. It makes the angel’s heart thrum wildly, more so than the contact of their bodies.

He’s still awake when they're lying sated and motionless afterward. Castiel, naked now, marked thoroughly, wiggles under Sam’s arm because he’s on his stomach again with his face half buried in his pillow. Sam’s hair is mussed, looped and tangled, wet strands clinging to his forehead, but Castiel runs his hand through it anyway. He's warm, human, flushed by fires long snuffed out.

"Sam?" 

"Mm?"

"I love you, too."

He cracks one hazel eye open. A grin spreads across his lips as he buries the rest of his face into the pillow. Castiel’s heart nearly bursts.

"Are you… blushing?"

There comes a muffled ‘no’ and then Castiel is poking Sam’s side repeatedly until he moves around so much that he’s laughing and trying to hide his face at the same time. they end up twisting in the sheets because Sam keeps whipping his head from side to side every time Castiel is close to revealing him. 

"Sam- would you- just- Are you really-"

"I’m not-"

"I don’t believe you-"

"Well, I’m not-"

"Then prove it."

"Don’t want to."

Castiel straddles Sam’s hip, which is difficult because Sam is laying sideways, with his hand firm on his exposed side. The hunter shivers slightly as Castiel decides on a different approach. He leans down to places drawn-out kisses all over Sam's shoulder.

"Sam?"

He doesn't respond. The angel presses close, arms barring Sam on either side while Castiel keeps moving over the front of the shoulder, the back of it, breathing out to feel him shiver by just the slow drag of his lips. Sam sighs in exasperation finally.

"What?"

"We have just participated in, arguably, the best sex we have ever had and ‘I love you’ makes you blush?"

"I’m not blushing."

"You are. Your ears are red which means your face is, too."

Castiel moves the hair out of Sam's face as he glances up to Castiel. He’s biting his lips trying to fight away a slowly widening smile. The apples of his cheeks are reddened, not by their activities an hour ago or their struggle only moments before: Sam is looking at Castiel with affection, looking at him and loving him. It shines in the sunflower nebulae of his eyes. He lets out a long held breath and Castiel is brought back to the earth, their room, their bed as Sam takes his hand and kisses over the knuckles.

"I’m happy."

"And you couldn't let me see because…?"

"Embarrassingly happy," Sam shrugs, "Couldn't help it."

Castiel’s brow scrunches like he’s amused and skeptical all at once; it makes him shake his head as he climbs over Sam fully and nestles against his chest. Arms close around him, keep him warm, content. His eyes slip closed.

"You are… fascinating."

"Like an insect under a microscope fascinating or…?"

Castiel pinches Sam’s forearm; the younger man flinches, let's out a quiet 'ah' then laughs softly while Castiel shifts in his arms, situates himself so they're chest to chest, to look Sam dead in the eye. The other man's breathing stills at the seriousness etched in the lines of Castiel's face.

"Like the stars, Sam."

The mirth in Sam’s demeanor drains away and is replaced by something that smolders much like a comet breaching the atmosphere, his lips on Castiel’s.


End file.
